Maybe I deserve it all...

Maybe I do...

After all, i dont try as hard as i should. I dont have many responsibilities. My own girlfriend must think im the worst, hardcore slacker boyfriend ever. She doesnt think i try... and she's probably right. I feel like i try, but does that count for enough? Doubtful... I fucking suck at school and i do terrible in my classes, EXPECIALLY the ones im really excited about, like those in my major. Im debating switching majors to something less intense because it seems that what i WANT t do requires someone whos a little smarter and better motivated individual. i dont have a job or a fucking liscence. And all i truly seem to like doing is sitting inside playing the same games over and over because I KNOW that i WILL SUCCEED at them with little effort. I feel like i hardcore fail at life ad everyone today has been telling me to get motivated and do this and do that and try harder and ALL this shit has been attacking me at once. The day has been overwhelming, exhausting and emotionally draining on many different levels. I have no clue what to do except breakdown.

So much is being expected of me lately, and i feel like its crushing me. I just dont have the motivation and personal drive that my parents/I want and need me to have.


I know i just need to try....be it in school, relationships, whatever comes my way. I need to find that personal drive deep down... i MUST find it. because i dont want to be a failure all my life. I would like to do great things or help people out... but im just not sure if i know how. Christ, at 20, you'd think i'd get this down by now.

,,,,